Big Words Kept In
by Meghan Page
Summary: For Carmilla Holidays. Prompt: Carmilla wants to make things official with Laura and is really nervous about it. Carm tries to do something romantic to make it special and Laura thinks it's cute and says yes. A Carmilla/Laura fic for the Carmilla web series.


**A/N**: Happy Holidays the-gay-sleigh! Thanks so much for putting this prompt out there, I had so much fun writing it. As per usual, it ran away from me and got a lot longer than I expected, but I think it turned out well. In any case, I hope I did it justice!

Also a huge thanks to carmillaholidays for putting this together! It was really great to take part in. Kudos to you, Shauna!

I wrote this over Thanksgiving break, so it doesn't take into consideration anything after episode 33.

Title taken from "Oh Sailor" by Mr. Little Jeans

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><p>Carmilla paced outside the door to room 307, wringing her hands in front of her. She pulled her cell phone from her jacket pocket, checking the screen for the time – still 5:59, just as it had been when she checked it a few seconds ago. Sighing heavily, she stopped her movements and let her head thump against the wall, silently berating herself.<p>

_You've been on this earth for over three centuries. You're an immortal, super-strong vampire. You should be able to handle this_.

Carmilla had banished herself from the room hours earlier, and had been running around ever since, making sure everything was ready for tonight.

When she had told Laura she would be back to pick her up at 6, the other girl had laughed and asked why they couldn't just leave together like they usually did. But Carmilla didn't want this to be like all the other times they had dinner together. Tonight had to be special; she had to do this properly.

After checking for the eighth time that she had everything set up just right for the evening, Carmilla sequestered herself in LaFontaine's room with nearly her entire wardrobe, enlisting their help in picking out an outfit. After an obligatory quip about it being "about time," they settled down on their bed and were generally helpful and supportive. They offered their frank opinion on everything Carmilla tried on and, after an hour and almost every permutation of black-on-black mankind had ever seen, finally voiced their approval.

It was a classic Carmilla ensemble – a sheer black collared top and short black skirt, paired with her thigh-high black socks and signature scuffed-up boots. She topped the whole thing off with a bib necklace made of what looked like tiny silver daggers, which Carmilla found highly amusing. As a last touch, she pulled her hair into a simple but elegant knot at the back of her head.

She turned back to LaFontaine for final approval, who gave her two thumbs up and a wide grin. "You're gonna knock her socks off," they said.

Carmilla shook her head at the phrase, but couldn't stop a tiny smile from crossing her lips. She looked at herself in the mirror for a little longer, making sure her eyeliner was thick enough, then stepped towards the door. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she shrugged into her leather jacket, then turned back to LaFontaine one last time.

"I'll be back for the rest of my things tomorrow. Maybe," she told them, then stepped quickly into the hall.

LaFontaine just chuckled and shook their head, taking her non-thanks for what it was.

As soon as she closed the door behind her, Carmilla felt any bravado she had built up slip away. Her hands were shaking slightly, and if her heart still beat she was certain it would be hammering against her ribs. Even though she had wasted as much time in LaFontaine's room as she could, she was still early to pick Laura up. Carmillla was determined to be absolutely proper tonight, and that included punctuality. There was nothing for it but to pace.

Finally, after an agonizingly slow few minutes, the time on her cell phone's display ticked over to 6:00. Carmilla raised her knuckles and was pleased at how firm her knock sounded. The door opened almost immediately, as if Laura had been waiting just behind it.

Carmilla's mouth went dry as she took the other girl in. She was wearing a deep purple dress with a lacy top and layered skirt, and her hair was free and loose around her shoulders, holding the faintest trace of a curl.

"What?" Laura said, her hands flying to her hair. Carmilla realized she had been staring. "Is there something wrong with my hair?"

"No, sugar," Carmilla said with a smile, taking Laura's hand and drawing her closer. "You look gorgeous."

A pretty blush spread across Laura's cheekbones, and she gave Carmilla's hand a squeeze. "So do you," she said softly.

They smiled at each other for a moment, then Carmilla gestured down the hallway with her free hand. "Shall we?"

Laura grabbed her coat from its hook, quickly pulling it on and stepping into the hall beside Carmilla. "We shall," she replied loftily, then quickly turned to lock the door and hide her embarrassed flush. Carmilla just smiled.

When Laura turned back around, Carmilla took her hand again and guided her out of the building. As they walked across campus in the dimming light, their joined hands swinging between them, Carmilla could sense a question itching to escape Laura's lips.

"So, where are we going?" There it was.

Carmilla chuckled. "I told you, it's a surprise," she said. "You'll have to keep that curiosity of yours in check until we get there."

Carmilla gave another laugh at Laura's little pout, but she could swear her palms were sweating. Would Laura like the restaurant she picked? There wasn't really a wide selection in the small town, but she had booked a reservation at the nicest one she could find. She hoped it was enough.

She let Laura chatter as they moved through the streets, nodding or humming in acknowledgement whenever the girl stopped for breath. Although she tried, Carmilla found it nearly impossible to concentrate on the conversation, her mind going over and over every little thing that could go wrong tonight.

Finally, the pair rounded a corner and the restaurant came into view. Carmilla felt herself go tense all over, waiting for Laura's reaction. The other girl felt it too, and glanced at Carmilla with concern before looking around to see what had affected her. Her eyes landed on the restaurant, and she went stock still, her mouth dropping open.

"Carmilla," she exclaimed, turning wide eyes to her roommate. "Are we going there?"

"Yes?" Carmilla replied, more of a question than a statement. She extricated her hand from Laura's and starting twisting her fingers together. When Laura continued to gape at her, she rushed to elaborate. "I know it's not much, but there isn't much to work with around here, and this is the nicest place in town –"

"Carmilla," Laura cut her off. "Exactly. This is the nicest place in town. You said to dress up, but I – how –" A strange look came into her eyes. "What's the occasion?"

"Wha- Nothing!" Carmilla said, a bit too quickly. "Can't I just take my g- my roommate out for a nice dinner?"

Laura narrowed her eyes, then seemed to accept her explanation, turning and walking towards the building. Carmilla let out a breath and followed behind, her knees still a little shaky. She had almost called Laura her girlfriend. That would have thrown the whole night off, marred weeks of careful planning.

The thing was, Laura wasn't Carmilla's girlfriend. At least, she didn't think so. It was confusing. The two girls spent almost all their time together. They had dinner together every night after Carmilla woke up and Laura got back from class, and sometimes Carmilla would even wake up early to walk Laura to class. If she was lucky, Laura would give her a chaste kiss on the cheek or the corner of her lips as she left the room. But every time someone brought the subject up, while Laura didn't exactly deny they were together, she never confirmed it, either.

Tonight, Carmilla was determined to change that.

When they got to the door of the restaurant, Carmilla scurried ahead of Laura and held it open, ushering the girl inside. Laura gave her a mock curtsy before walking past her, which only made Carmilla feel like her face was on fire.

She followed Laura into the building and walked to the host's podium with as much confidence as she could muster.

"Reservation for Karnstein," she said, relieved when her voice didn't come out three octaves too high.

The host retrieved two menus and led them through the restaurant to a small table nestled in the back corner. Carmilla nodded her approval, and he set the menus down and stepped away. She helped Laura out of her coat, then held out her chair for her, gently pushing it under the girl's legs as she sat down.

"Well, aren't we chivalrous tonight," Laura teased as Carmilla took her own seat.

"What can I say, it's hard to fight my old-fashioned sensibilities when a pretty girl is involved," Carmilla flirted back.

A faint blush spread across Laura's cheeks, and Carmilla counted it as a victory. Even with her stomach tying itself in knots, she still knew just what to say.

The waiter soon appeared to take their orders. Laura asked for some bastardized version of an Italian pasta dish, while Carmilla simply ordered a steak, "bloody," which earned her a little kick under the table.

As they waited for their food, the girls continued with their small talk. This time, Carmilla tried her hardest to engage in the conversation. She wracked her memory for the tiniest detail from her week that would amuse her roommate, and felt her stomach swoop each time she was rewarded with Laura's bright laugh.

Their food finally arrived and they both dug in, Laura only pausing briefly to thank their waiter. She continued on with an elaborate story she had been telling, barely stopping to chew, her mouth half-full more often than not.

Carmilla couldn't help the fond grin that formed on her lips as the girl waved her (thankfully empty) fork around for emphasis. She was struck again by just how hard she had fallen for her tiny roommate. That's why she needed tonight to go as smoothly as possible, to be perfect…

The waiter chose that moment to walk back up, startling Carmilla out of her thoughts. "I see you ladies are almost finished. Will either of you be wanting dessert?"

"No!" Carmilla blurted. Laura's eyes, which had lit up at the mention of sugary treats, dimmed again. "I mean, no thank you, we'll just take the check."

The waiter handed her the check presenter and took his leave. Laura immediately turned to Carmilla with a pout.

"Carmilla, they had this ice cream cookie sundae that sounded really good…"

Carmilla stood, putting on her jacket before holding Laura's out for her. "Don't worry, sweetheart," she reassured as Laura slipped her arms into the sleeves. "You'll still get your sweets, just not here."

Laura raised an eyebrow and smirked. "So the night's not quite over, huh?"

"Not quite," Carmilla replied, as her still heart gave a painful squeeze. Now was the important part of the night, the part she had to get right.

Hand in hand, the girls exited the restaurant and made their way down the street. They had only made it a few yards when Carmilla pulled them into a small side alley.

Laura let out a squeak of surprise. "What the –"

Carmilla laid a finger on Laura's lips, checking around them to make sure they were out of sight. "Sorry, _mausi_, just don't want anyone seeing us do this."

"Do what?" Laura asked against her finger, a tiny hitch in her breath. A faint flush spread across her chest.

Carmilla noticed, and felt an echoing heat in her own skin. "Mind out of the gutter," she chided, tapping Laura's nose as she drew her hand away from her lips. "Now put your arms around me and hold on tight."

Laura complied easily, wrapping her arms around Carmilla's neck. "You know, that's not really helping," she teased softly.

"Shush," Carmilla hushed her, placing her hands on Laura's back. "Just remember to breathe."

"What, why?" Laura asked, but Carmilla had already closed her eyes in concentration. Dark smoke swirled around their ankles, swiftly rising up their bodies until it felt like they were in the middle of a vortex.

Just as quickly it died down, and the two girls found themselves in the middle of a forest clearing.

Carmilla let out a sigh of relief – it had worked – before glancing down in concern as Laura staggered slightly in her arms.

"Laura, are you okay?" she asked, drawing slightly back and brushing the hair away from her roommate's face. "I'm so sorry, I forgot how disorienting the first trip can be, I should have warned you…"

Laura ran her fingers over the nape of Carmilla's neck and gave her a lopsided smile. "It's alright. It was actually pretty cool. It's just, is the ground supposed to be spinning?"

She wobbled again, and Carmilla gently caught her and lowered her to the ground. "Okay, darling, you just sit here and put your head between your knees. It'll pass soon, I promise."

Laura made a small noise of agreement and followed her directions. Carmilla gave her a tiny pat on the back before getting to her feet and walking to the edge of the clearing. She cursed under her breath as she knelt beside an old tree, digging a duffle bag out from among its roots. Materializing here had been a bad idea, she knew it. They should have just walked; this spot wasn't _that_ far from town. She had just wanted to make it special for Laura.

As she turned back around, she was surprised to see Laura not hunched over as she had left her, but with her head thrown back and staring around her in awe.

"Hey," Carmilla said softly, walking back over and sitting down beside her, placing the bag at her feet. "You feeling better?"

Laura glanced at her, then back to her surroundings. "Oh, yes," she said distractedly, then gestured broadly to the view before her. "Carmilla, how did you find this place? It's _beautiful_."

Carmilla turned with her to look at the scene. The clearing was perched on the side of a hill, providing a full vista of the countryside below them. The lights of campus glinted at the base of the hill, while above them the sky spread out inky-black, scattered with thousands upon thousands of stars.

"I discovered it a long time ago, when Maman first made – when I first started coming to Silas. I like to come out here to think. Look at the stars." She went quiet for a moment, then added in a low voice, "I've never brought anyone else up here before."

A quick look out of the corner of her eye showed her Laura was gazing at her with something like wonder. Carmilla quickly turned away and busied herself with the duffle bag, pulling out a blanket, a bottle of champagne and two glasses, and an assortment of chocolaty treats.

"I promised you dessert," she said, standing and shaking out the blanket, spreading it on the ground in front of them. Laura moved to sit in the middle while Carmilla arranged the snacks and poured the champagne.

After a bit of fussing to make sure everything was laid out just right, Carmilla took a seat next to Laura, tucking her feet to one side. Laura held out her glass and Carmilla clinked the rim of hers against it, a wordless toast.

They each took a sip, then leaned back against the blanket. They drank and nibbled for a time in comfortable silence, Laura gazing up at the stars, Carmilla at Laura's face.

After a while, Laura gave a little sigh and looked over at Carmilla. "Not that I haven't enjoyed tonight, because I really, really have, but what has all of this been about?" she asked. "You know I love our dinners in the dining hall, as simple as they are."

Carmilla felt her heart somehow leap into her throat. This was it – the moment she had planned the night around. She looked away from Laura and swallowed thickly, her hands fisting involuntarily in the blanket beneath her.

"There's… something I need to talk to you about," she said slowly.

Laura sat up suddenly and grabbed Carmilla's shoulder, surprising Carmilla into looking back at her. "You're not leaving, are you?" she asked, her voice laced with panic. "This isn't some elaborate way to say goodbye? Because, after last time, I told you –"

"No! No," Carmilla said, sitting up and cutting the girl off. She lightly covered Laura's hand with her own. "I'm not leaving. Quite the opposite, in fact. This is about… I…" She paused, taking a deep, shaky breath, then tried again. "I wanted to ask your permission… to court you."

Laura simply looked at her for a moment, then burst into giggles.

Carmilla dropped her hand and looked away, feeling as her stomach had bottomed out. She struggled to catch her breath. "Well, if it's that ridiculous an idea to you…" She moved to get up, but Laura's hand on her arm stopped her.

"No, Carm, no, please wait, I'm sorry," Laura said in a rush, tugging on Carmilla's arm until she faced her again. "I'm not laughing at you, or what you said. It's just… you went through all of this, just to ask me to go steady?"

Carmilla scowled, crossing her arms over her chest with a huff. "That's such a juvenile phrase. I'm talking about _courtship_. It's _serious_; it's _lasting_. It's…" She trailed off, her voice becoming more and more earnest as she spoke. She took Laura's hand and stared into her eyes. "Laura, do you understand what I'm trying to ask?"

"Yes," Laura responded, her eyes shining slightly in the starlight.

"Yes?" Carmilla echoed, a hopeful warmth slowly filling her chest. She furrowed her brow slightly. "Wait, do you mean yes, you understand, or yes…"

"I mean yes, I give you my permission to court me, you stupid, romantic vampire," Laura said, a wide smile across her face.

There was barely enough time for an answering grin to form on Carmilla's lips before Laura was tackling her, peppering her face with kisses.

"You are –" a kiss to her forehead "– such –" her nose "– a sap," the corner of her mouth.

"Shh, _schatzi_, I have a reputation to uphold," Carmilla stage-whispered, and Laura threw her head back in laughter.

"God, I love you," she told Carmilla, then gasped as she realized what she had just said. It was the first time either of them had said those words to the other.

Carmilla felt the warmth spread through her entire body, filling her with a feeling like home. She pulled Laura closer to her, resting their foreheads together.

"I love you too, my Laura," she murmured, before drawing Laura's lips to hers.

The kiss was deep and languid, filled with all the love the two had for each other, while above them the stars glimmered into forever.


End file.
